As the years go by, sex life starts becoming tedious for some couples. Most couples lose their interest in having sex with their partners. But little things will bring back the spark and soon, your partner will also follow suit and enjoy the renewed romance in your lives. Sex doesn’t have to get boring in marriage. With so much passion locked inside us, there’s a lot to unlock. It’s just a matter of finding the right key. Instead of being frustrated and dropping hints to him on how you feel, maybe you should start taking some steps to bring back romance in your sex life. Here are some ways to keep your marriage and sex life fresh.
Talk Everything About Each Other Sexually
Communication is the key to a healthy and active sex life in a marital relationship. It happens often a husband and wife can be married for many years without ever telling each other what they find most exciting in bed. This is partly because many people remain painfully embarrassed about their sexual needs. But it’s also because too much is at stake — namely, the emotional bond between husbands and wives — to gamble it on fulfilling a need that might be seen as odd, selfish, or simply beyond the comfort level of their partners for life. And after years pass, it often becomes more and more difficult to reveal a “hidden” desire, because it feels like introducing something very foreign into the relationship or admitting that you’ve been fibbing about your sexual desires all that time. Talk with one another about your expectations concerning lovemaking. False or unmet expectations can hurt your marriage.
Share with One Another your Sexual Desires.
Sex in a long lasting relationship can deepen and become a richer experience. No matter how many times you have made love to each other, the wonder and awe of mutual attraction can still be there. The walls separating husbands and wives romantically do not dissolve spontaneously. They have to be dismantled piece by piece. You can start by inviting your husband to slowly reveal aspects of his sexuality. Always ask your partner to tell you the craziest thought he had. To tell you something you think would really surprise you about what we could do in bed? Putting it that way assures the other person that you anticipate being taken aback, and welcome it. And that means your husband doesn’t automatically have to edit out the most erotic parts of his fantasy. If saying anything out loud is just too embarrassing for you, try putting a block of post in an envelope for him with a note that says, Leave a fantasy under my pillow, and I’ll wake you up in the middle of the night.
Make Sex Intimate, Turn It into a Game
Sexual intimacy is a continuing process of discovery. True intimacy through communication is what makes sex great. When life becomes busy, and schedules are hectic, plan for sexual encounters with one another. Make sex one of your main priorities. Try to set the mood in advance. If you want to have good sex at night, start the foreplay in the morning. Let your spouse know you care and are thinking about him/her throughout the day by notes, e-mails, phone calls, hugs, etc. Ask your partner to tell you three of his fantasies, and you get to choose one to act out. Then it’s his turn, you tell him three of yours, and he selects one. If he wants to pick two from your list, and you take him up on that offer, he also gets one of the two remaining fantasies on his list. Bargaining builds romantic tension. Being playful will be a welcome reminder of how energized the two of you once were and could be again. As an alternative, you could simply say, “I know you haven’t told me everything you like in bed, even though we’ve been together for years. So give it up: What have you been dying to do?”
Get Romantic and Physical
Not in that way, we mean. A soothing touch when he is feeling down, holding hands when in a crowd, a hug when he has excelled in some way or the other or simply a touch on his shoulder when you pass by his chair. It all does wonders to any relationship. If you can find after the kids go to bed, spend time cuddled on the couch browsing a magazine together or watching TV or simply talking. Romantic memories will re-kindle the romance in your lives. Talk about those times and see photo albums of your honeymoon and other vacations together. Take out all your memorabilia – love cards, little gifts, notes, the first rose, locks of hair etc. and remember what went into each memory. Pamper him by giving him a facial or a back or foot massage along with a hot oil massage. It will soothe his aching body and relax his mind as well. When the massage is done, give him the luxury of an aromatic bath that you prepared beforehand.
Buy him a gift or surprise him by giving him time off from any of his regular errands. Decorate your bedroom for a romantic evening together or plan a surprise candle-light dinner.
Give Real-life Routine a Rest
Monotony is the enemy of passion. In order to see your mate as the prince, and for him to see you as the princess, it helps to set the stage and put on the right costume. Tell him to meet you at a restaurant for a date. Dress to impress each other. Then surprise him with a key to a motel room or a secluded beach cottage — no packing allowed. Even if an overnight isn’t possible, you can alter your look to be “new” for your partner. A different style of clothing or different hairstyle or even a tiny tattoo on your ankle might trigger new feelings in him. Being “different” for him in bed doesn’t mean he won’t love you for everything you’ve always been outside the bedroom. But part of him (you know which part) wants to believe he just met you. And there’s nothing wrong with your wanting to meet him for the first time too. Feel free to suggest that a beard or more closely cropped hair might look cool on him for a while.
Complements Never Fail. Your partner seems to have forgotten to notice when you wear a new dress or try a new shade of lipstick or do your hair in a different way. But what about you? Do you notice when he suddenly looks much more handsome on a particular day? Take time out of your work and kids to notice his looks and complement him. It’s not only just the looks. Encouraging complements on his work and achievements will also motivate and re-energize him.
We all have some potential to make our lives romantic. We just have to decide it’s time to start. All these little things will help keep the flame of romance burning and give you a happier married life with your beloved. My guess is you won’t get too far down that road before you notice the passion wasn’t really gone from your relationship. It was just hibernating.