The first time having sex, what may you encounter and what exactly might happen?


No one can tell you exactly what will happen the first time that you have sex.  Everyone is different and has different expectations of the experience.

That said, there are many factors that influence what sex will be like for you the first time.  We are assuming you’re talking about genital-genital sex with a partner.  Some things that might play a role in how sex is for you the first time include:

  • You and your partner’s age and maturity level
  • What kind of relationship & history you have with your partner
  • How well you communicate your thoughts and needs to your partner.  For example, can you openly talk to your partner about your feeling for and against having sex

An important part of having sex is determining what your beliefs are about your first time (losing your virginity).

  • What does sex mean for you? 
  • What does it mean for your partner?
  • Do you see having sex as a huge big deal or just one part of your sexuality? 
  • How does it fit with your family’s values and your religious beliefs? 

The better you understand your own beliefs about sex the better you can be prepared for the first time.


Age is also an important factor when considering having sex for the first time.  Studies show that younger teens (younger than 16) do less well if they start having sex.  This means that they get pregnant more often, do more drugs and don’t do as well in school.


Other things for you to consider so having sex is enjoyable for both partners:

  • You don’t want to pressure the other person to have sex
  • You don’t want to be pressured to have sex
  • It’s hard to say “no” or think about what you want to do if you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol
  • Be prepared!  Plan for your first time along with your partner.  Speak with your doctor before you start so that you can get factual information about birth control and STD’s.  It is hard to relax and fully enjoy yourself the first time and it’s even worse if you’re worrying about who is going to walk in on you or if you might get pregnant or get some disease.  Look though our questions on how to practice safer sex and discuss with your partner birth control and STD’s and also attitudes about pregnancy and abortion.

If you need to speak with an Adolescent Medicine physician and live in northern New Jersey you can call the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health at 973.971.5199.  If you live elsewhere, you can call your local Planned Parenthood.  We’ve given you an awful lot to think about but we feel the better prepared you are, the better experience you (and your partner) will have.