Love at first sight or sex on a first date – there isn’t much difference between the two. Often you fall in love with someone at the very first stance only to regret your hasty decision. Sometimes this intense attraction brings with it the temptation to get physically involved.
With a flurry of emotions to deal with post intimacy, the relationship tends to get tricky in the initial stages, as your heart gets into a serious conflict with your head. It’s entirely up to the couple as to whether they want to ride the moment or hold on a little longer till they are absolutely sure of their commitments towards each other.
When we asked Gen X about how comfortable they were to have sex on their first date, they seemed pretty divided on their opinions. While some felt that there was nothing wrong in it, provided both partners were consenting adults, there were others who admitted it to be a fun-for-a-while moment which lacked permanence.
Whether the first date transforms into a long term relationship or not is not the point to be debated upon. It’s about how the modern generation is much more accepting of sex on the first date itself.
“Come on, you’re living in 21st century where people know what’s right and what’s wrong for them. Nothing is a big deal as long as it’s healthy and done with full consent. I don’t see anything immoral in having sex on the first meeting. If you believe that the first impression is the last impression, then be broad-minded enough to have sex with someone you are naturally attracted to,” says 24-year-old Jayant Batra, working with an MNC.
Fully supporting the above argument, Rajat Gupta, 24, working as an executive with a private firm, quips “Most guys believe in living in the present, rather than wasting time thinking about the distant future, so, if a girl asks me for sex on our first date, I’ll oblige willingly.”
However, 26-year-old call employee Kartik Mehra shares, “You can’t always blame men for sex on a first meeting. At times, it’s the girl who insists on it and on getting a negative response from the guy, very often women feel offended. I remember on my first date, my girl asked me if we could go to a private place and on my refusing her, she simply walked off.”
On why couples get tempted for such sexual encounters, Dr. Avdesh Sharma, a clinical psychiatrist, elucidates, “Mainly it’s because of the influence from their peer group which coerces couples into getting physically close. Often, they may feel that sex is the best option to hold onto a person and women in most of the cases think that if I don’t give in, I may lose the man.”
Impulsively living the moment, very often the uber cool generation ignore the mental and physical effects of such quick physical encounters. Dr. Sharma adds, “There are repercussions like sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy and AIDS that arise. Other than this, the physiological upshot is tough to deal with, in case the relation doesn’t continue after a few sexual episodes. You feel completely used; the level of guilt is extremely high in case there was alcohol involved, and you develop a hatred for the opposite sex that lasts a lifetime.”
Understanding the aftermaths of such virtually one-night stands, there were a few young minds we spoke to who strictly stood against the idea of lovemaking on day one. While they weren’t obsessed with the permanence of the relationship, they were skeptical about sex.
“Demand for sex on the first date makes it clear that you are not interested in a long term relationship. Personally, I believe in forging an emotional bond, before indulging in close moments or sex. Merely one date can’t familiarise you much with a person that you agree to get cosy in bed immediately,” retorts 22-year-old Sakshi Arora, working as a client and media relations executive.
Agrees Rachna Seth, a 23-year-old PR consultant, “The first date is meant to know and get comfortable with each other. Being comfortable doesn’t mean ending up in a physical connection with someone whom you just like or have been infatuated to.”
College goer Mohit Sikka adds, “I would never appreciate a girl who believes in showing off her cool attitude or status through her broad-mindedness in initiating sex on our first meeting. I think it’s unhealthy and morally I wouldn’t want to live with any guilt.”
As Gen X stands at loggerheads with their opinions on sex on the first date, it’s all about being level headed regarding their sexual choices.
Getting too hot and heavy? Here’s are some tips to refrain from sex on the first date.
Avoid too much privacy : Most of the times, it’s the venue for the date and the surrounding atmosphere that lures young couples to have sex. Thus, shun away private places like a hotel room or a friend’s place that allows you to get cosy. Meet at a public place instead and be comfortable.
Keep it short and sweet : Try not to keep a very prolonged date as the person might try to charm you on the first meeting itself. It’s better to give more time to him/her to open up on future occasions.
Be clear about your preferences : Do not treat sex as a casual affair. Be firm on your physical needs and choices. Even if the other person seems casual enough to freely discuss it, do not let such a discussion go overboard.
Avoid any provocative discussion : You should avoid indulging into an intimate conversation related to sex as a subject because if either of you drop a subtle hint or initiate such a topic, the opposite sex may feel you to be an easy catch who doesn’t attach much meaning to a sex escapade. Try and delve into each others’ lives, hobbies, career choices etc.
Don’t dress merely to provoke : Girls often try to make an impression by donning revealing outfits presuming it will attract the male counterpart. Sometimes too much of skin show on the first day itself gives out a wrong vibe. Opt for comfort clothing and remember the man should judge you by your brains.
No chauffer service please : Get away with any hand-holding and teasing moments in the car on your way home. If you’re a lady, try arranging for your own conveyance so that your date doesn’t get a chance to ask you for a drop back home. In case of men, they should not insist incessantly on asking the girl to be dropped back, so as to avoid any possibility of a passionate contact with her.
Know his background : It’s always advisable to know a bit more about the person you’re meeting for the first time. If he’s been a Casanova always, be careful and act as a tough girl, even if you’re not!
No alcoholic moments : Indulging in any kind of alcohol intake is a strict ‘no’ on the first date. It can be really dangerous, as it doesn’t allow you to be in your right senses and unknowingly you may agree upon a sexual act which you might regret later.
Kissing the miss : When it comes to expressing love on the first date, don’t go overboard with any physical gesture, especially a goodnight kiss on the steps while bidding adieu. Make sure that it’s restricted to a polite peck and that too on the cheek as a lip-lock or even a tender touch on her lips can set off something unexpected.
Protection is a must : However, if you do decide to give into your feelings and indulge in sex, ensure you use protection and don’t give opt for unprotected sex. Prevention as we all know is better than cure, so play safe people!