6 Sex Mistakes Men Make

Experts’ sex tips for men who have sex with women.

Hey guys, think you know everything there is to know about having sex with women? That erotic encyclopedia you carry around in your head may contain a lot of basic errors and omissions about women’s sexuality — errors that can lead to sex mistakes.

That’s because — after learning the facts of life — most of us are left to figure out sex for ourselves. Guys tend to take a lot of cues from adult movies, and we all know how true-to-life those are. Experience may help, but many women can be shy when talking about what they like.

To help us with some sex tips, WebMD asked two acclaimed sex educators, Tristan Taormino and Lou Paget, to tell us what they think are the most common sex mistakes men make with women.

Taormino is a prolific author, lecturer, and video producer. Her latest project is the Expert Guide educational video series from Vivid Ed.

Paget is author of The Great Lover Playbook and other sex manuals, and she gives seminars nationwide.

Sex Mistake No.1: You Know What She Wants

Men often make assumptions about what a woman wants based upon what they’ve done with other women. But women aren’t all the same.

“You develop a repertoire as you mature sexually, but you should never assume that what worked for the last person is going to work for this person,” Taormino says.

That applies not only to sexual predilections, but also to relationships, she says. “There are women who can have no-strings-attached sex, and women who can get attached very easily, and then everyone in between.”

Sex Mistake No. 2: You Have All She Needs

Some women can’t have an orgasm with less than 3,000 rpm. No human tongue or fingers can generate that kind of vibration. But men typically think something is wrong if a woman needs a vibrator.

“If the only way that a woman can achieve orgasm is with a vibrator, she’s not broken,” Taormino says.

Think of a vibrator as your assistant, not your substitute. Many couples use vibrators together. “While you’re doing one thing, or two things, the vibrator can be doing something else,” Taormino says.

Sex Mistake No. 3: Sex Feels the Same for Men and Women

Paget says there tends to be a “huge disconnect” between men and women in the ways that sex feels good.

“When a man has intercourse with a woman, and his penis goes into her body, that sensation is so off the charts for most men, they cannot imagine that it isn’t feeling the same way for her,” Paget says. “It couldn’t be further from the truth.”

The inside of the vagina is probably less sensitive than the outer parts for most women. Also, deep thrusting may not feel so nice on the receiving end. If the penis is too long, “it feels like you’re getting punched in the stomach,” Paget says. “It makes you feel nauseous.”

Sex Mistake No. 4: You Know Your Way Around a Woman’s Anatomy

Most guys know generally what a clitoris is and where to find it. That’s not to say that they really understand it.

More than 30 years ago, at the start of the “sexual revolution,” a best-selling book called the Joy of Sex got Americans hip to the orgasmic importance of the clitoris. But the belief that women must be able to orgasm from vaginal penetration stubbornly persists.

“I still get letters from people who say things like, my wife can’t [orgasm] from intercourse unless she has clitoral stimulation — please help,” Taormino says. “I want to write back and say, ‘OK, what’s the problem?'”

“For the majority of women, it’s not going to happen that way,” Paget says.

Men also lack information about how to touch it and how sensitive it is, Taormino says.

A touch that’s bliss for one woman may feel like nothing special, or may even be painful for someone else. Some prefer indirect stimulation.

How can you find out how she likes to be touched? Try asking her.

Sex Mistake No. 5: Wet = Turned On

Guys sometimes get hung up if a woman doesn’t get slippery enough for easy penetration. Don’t worry about it.

“I think there’s a myth that if you’re turned on, you’re wet,” Taormino says. Not necessarily.

Some women tend to get wetter than others, and how much natural lubrication a woman has can change from day to day. It varies by the phase of her menstrual cycle, and it’s subject to influences like stress and medications.

Sex Mistake No. 6: Silence Is Golden

A lot of guys think they should be silent during sex, but unless you speak up, your partner has to guess what’s doing it for you and what isn’t.

If you’re respectful about it, a woman who wants to please you will probably appreciate some directions.

“I’m not saying push her head in your lap,” Taormino says. “I think that, ‘this is how I like it,’ is a very useful conversation to have.”

Allergies and Hives (Urticaria and Angioedema)

Hives, also known as urticaria, are an outbreak of swollen, pale red bumps, patches, or welts on the skin that appear suddenly — either as a result of allergies, or for other reasons.

Hives usually cause itching, but may also burn or sting. They can appear anywhere on the body, including the face, lips, tongue, throat, or ears. Hives vary in size (from a pencil eraser to a dinner plate), and may join together to form larger areas known as plaques. They can last for hours, or up to several days before fading.

Angioedema is similar to hives, but the swelling occurs beneath the skin instead of on the surface. Angioedema is characterized by deep swelling around the eyes and lips and sometimes of the genitals, hands, and feet. It generally lasts longer than hives, but the swelling usually goes away in less than 24 hours.

Occasionally, severe, prolonged tissue swelling can be disfiguring. Rarely, angioedema of the throat, tongue, or lungs can block the airways, causing difficulty breathing. This may become life threatening.

What Causes Hives and Angioedema?

Hives and angioedema form when, in response to histamine, blood plasma leaks out of small blood vessels in the skin. Histamine is a chemical released from specialized cells along the skin’s blood vessels.

Allergic reactions, chemicals in foods, insect stings, sunlight exposure, or medicines can all cause histamine release. Sometimes it’s impossible to find out exactly why hives have formed.

There are several different types of hives and angioedema, including:

• Acute urticaria and/or angiodema: Hives or swelling lasting less than six weeks. The most common causes are foods, medicines, latex, or infections. Insect bites and internal disease may also be responsible. The most common foods that cause hives are nuts, chocolate, fish, tomatoes, eggs, fresh berries, soy, wheat, and milk. Fresh foods cause hives more often than cooked foods. Certain food additives and preservatives may also be to blame. Medicines that can cause hives and angioedema include aspirin and other nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory medications (NSAIDs, such as ibuprofen), high blood pressure medications (ACE inhibitors), or painkillers such as codeine.
• Chronic urticaria and/or angioedema: Hives or swelling lasting more than six weeks. The cause of this type of hives is usually more difficult to identify than those causing acute urticaria and/or angioedema. The causes can be similar to those of acute urticaria but can also include autoimmunity, chronic infections, hormonal disorders, and malignancy.
• Physical urticaria: Hives caused by direct physical stimulation of the skin — for example, cold, heat, sun exposure, vibration, pressure, sweating, and exercise. The hives usually occur right where the skin was stimulated and rarely appear anywhere else. Most of the hives appear within one hour after exposure.
• Dermatographism: Hives that form after firmly stroking or scratching the skin. These hives can also occur along with other forms of urticaria.
• Hereditary angioedema: This is painful swelling of tissue. It is passed on through families.

How Are Hives and Angioedema Diagnosed?

Your doctor will need to ask many questions in an attempt to find the possible cause of hives or angiodema. Since there are no specific tests for hives — or the associated swelling of angioedema — testing will depend on your medical history and a thorough examination by your primary care doctor, allergist, immunologist, or dermatologist.

Skin tests may be performed to determine the substance that you are allergic to. Routine blood tests are done to determine if a system-wide illness is present.

What Is the Treatment for Hives and Angioedema?

The best treatment for hives and angioedema is to identify and remove the trigger, but this is not an easy task. Antihistamines are usually prescribed by your doctor or dermatologist to provide relief from symptoms. These drugs may also be taken on a regular schedule to help prevent hives and associated swelling from forming in the first place.

Chronic hives may be treated with antihistamines or a combination of medications. When antihistamines don’t provide relief, oral corticosteroids may be prescribed.

For severe hive or angioedema outbreaks, an injection of epinephrine or a steroid medication may be needed.

How Can Hives Be Managed?

While you’re waiting for the hives and swelling to disappear, here are some tips:

• Avoid hot water; use lukewarm water instead.
• Use gentle, mild soap.
• Apply cool compresses or wet cloths to the affected areas.
• Try to work and sleep in a cool room.
• Wear loose-fitting lightweight clothes.

When Should I Call the Doctor About Hives or Angiodema?

If hives or angioedema occur with any of the following symptoms, contact your doctor right away:

• Dizziness
• Wheezing
• Difficulty breathing
• Tightness in the chest
• Swelling of the tongue, lips, or face

Allergy Symptoms

Allergy symptoms can be categorized as mild, moderate, or severe.

Mild Allergy Symptoms

Mild allergy symptoms can include:

• Rash
• Itchy, watery eyes
• Congestion

Mild allergic reactions do not spread to other parts of the body.

Moderate Allergy Symptoms

Moderate allergic reactions can include symptoms that spread to other parts of the body, including:

• Itchiness
• Difficulty breathing

Severe Allergy Symptoms (Anaphylaxis)

Anaphylaxis is a rare, life-threatening emergency in which the body’s response to the allergen is sudden and affects the whole body. Allergy symptoms may begin with sudden itching of the eyes or face and within minutes progress to more serious symptoms, including:

• Varying degrees of swellings that can make breathing and swallowing difficult
• Abdominal pain
• Cramps
• Vomiting
• Diarrhea
• Mental confusion or dizziness

Allergy Basics

What Is an Allergy?

Allergies are an abnormal response of the immune system. People who have allergies have an immune system that reacts to a usually harmless substance in the environment. This substance (pollen, mold, animal dander, etc.) is called an allergen.

Allergies are a very common problem, affecting at least 2 out of every 10 Americans.

What Happens During an Allergic Reaction?

When a person is exposed to an allergen and starts to have an allergic reaction, a series of events takes place:

1. The body starts to produce a specific type of antibody, called IgE, to bind the allergen.
2. The antibodies attach to a form of blood cell called a mast cell. Mast cells can be found in the airways, in the GI tract, and elsewhere. The presence of mast cells in the airways and GI tract makes these areas more susceptible to allergen exposure.
3. The allergens bind to the IgE, which is attached to the mast cell. This triggers a reaction that allows the mast cells  to release a variety of chemicals including histamine, which causes most of the symptoms of an allergy, including itchiness or runny nose.

If the allergen is in the air, the allergic reaction will likely occur in the eyes, nose, and lungs. If the allergen is ingested, the allergic reaction often occurs in the mouth, stomach, and intestines. Sometimes enough chemicals are released from the mast cells to cause a reaction throughout the body, such as hives, decreased blood pressure, shock, or loss of consciousness.

What Are the Symptoms of Allergies?

Symptoms of allergies can be categorized as mild, moderate, or severe (anaphylactic).

• Mild allergic reactions include those symptoms that affect a specific area of the body such as a rash, itchy, watery eyes, and some congestion. Mild reactions do not spread to other parts of the body.
• Moderate reactions include symptoms that spread to other parts of the body. These may include itchiness or difficulty breathing.
• A severe reaction, called anaphylaxis, is a rare, life-threatening emergency in which the response to the allergen is intense and affects the whole body. It may begin with the sudden onset of itching of the eyes or face and progress within minutes to more serious symptoms, including abdominal pain, cramps, vomiting, and diarrhea, as well as varying degrees of swellings that can make breathing and swallowing difficult. Mental confusion or dizziness may also be symptoms, since anaphylaxis causes a quick drop in blood pressure.

Does Everyone Have Allergies?

No, not everyone has allergies. People inherit a tendency to be allergic, although not to any specific allergen. When one parent is allergic, their child has a 50% chance of having allergies. That risk jumps to 75% if both parents have allergies.

Wipe out the Ah Long menace

THE recent revelations of the operations of Ah Long is flabbergasting and brings shame to all Malaysians who cherish goodwill and kindness as their way of life. Pictures of men who were abducted and held captive by being chained like criminals is very disturbing.

These remind us of the days of slavery and it is unbelievable that Malaysians who are generally known for their friendliness and kindness can resort to such cruel acts against desperate fellow citizens.

Loan sharking has wrecked many individuals and their families. It has to be stopped before more become victims of the menace which has become a form of modern-day slavery. The problem is getting worse with borrowers having to pay extremely high interest rates and unethical modes of collection.

It is heartening to know that the Inspector-General of Police is viewing the problem seriously with his decision to go all out to hunt down and bring these culprits to task.

However, it is not enough for the police to capture and punish few cruel loan sharks each time their atrocity is highlighted in the media. What is needed is a whole-hearted, dedicated, full time and lasting commitment of the police force to fight this menace. More money, time and energy must be spent to fight crimes like this that bring about tremendous hardship to the people.

Greed and the get-rich-quickly attitude that is prevalent among us today contribute greatly to the flourishing trade of loan sharks.

In the pursuit of wealth and more wealth there is no place for compassion and empathy for fellow humans who are desperately in need.

Ironically, our materialistic system today seems to encourage such a culture where the rich and powerful are glorified, idolised and put on high pedestals regardless of how they acquired their wealth and status.

Punitive action against a few Ah Long and borrowers may deter some but will not solve the problem altogether.

What is needed is to get to the root cause of this menace and come out with a comprehensive plan that should include educating people on financial management and prudence and the disasters of excessive borrowing.

There must be deliberate attempts to bring change to the Malaysian mindset which blindly pursues material gains that can be detrimental to the well-being of society.

Poverty is a major factor that contributes to the flourishing of loan sharking. There is no way we can succeed in fighting loan sharking without a concerted effort by all parties to eradicate poverty.

It is the poor and helpless who are forced into the arms of unscrupulous loan sharks who in turn exploit them. Although the responsibility is on the government, all citizens have a role to play in eradicating poverty among fellow citizens.

The Government must look into the setting up of a loan scheme for those in dire need of financial assistance but with no fixed income to prevent them from resorting to loan sharks. The unreasonable requirements imposed by big financial institutions and unhelpful counter officers often make their applications for even a small loan almost impossible.

Loans and other financial grants must be made easily available to those who really deserve them and are eligible, without favouritism and unreasonable collateral.

Source: The  Star Online