Tag Archive: kiss

Snogging masterclass

If you want to make your kiss mean something, get it right first time.

What’s in a French kiss?

kiss-200-x-150A kiss can be all things to all people. The way the Pope puckers up for the tarmac is a world away from the kind of sensual snog that makes your toes curl and blood pressure soar. French kissing, as the latter is often called, is a bit of a misleading term, because it wasn’t like our Gallic neighbours invented the technique and you don’t need to be fluent in French to qualify. Whether it comes naturally, or with a little practice, a French kiss can say more about your feelings than a volume of love poetry. Things might have been less confusing had it been called Tongue Kissing, but then where’s the romance and the passion in that?

Stage two: Approach

So you’re up for a full-on kiss, but how can you be sure they will return the gesture and not freeze up or pull away? Start your move with some eye contact, glance at their mouth and back again, and see how they respond. If they stop blinking, and remind you of impending roadkill, it may be a good idea to back off, but if they mimic your gesture then crack on to the next stage.

Stage three: Docking

OK, your mouths need to be open during a French kiss, so your tongues can connect, but don’t take this too literally, and steam in like a beached fish gasping for air. The urgent bit kicks in later, once your lips have brushed together and it’s clear your other half wants to take things further. (Just read their lips, because if they seem content to keep the kiss at this stage then don’t be tempted to take it any further).

Stage four: Exchange of gifts

Think of your tongue as an explorer in unknown territory. Now, you wouldn’t just strut in and hope for the best, would you? No, you’d take it step-by-step, advancing ever so slowly, testing your surroundings and marvelling at the new sensations it brings. As for the native tongue you discover with your own, try to reflect they way it behaves towards you. If you find it hiding at the back, then you’ve probably overstepped the mark, but if it meets you half way, and wants to play, then simply follow your instinct and desires.

Stage five: Oxygen supply

People often stress out about how to breathe during a passionate kiss, and the simple answer is through your nose. With practice, you’ll find it’s possible to inhale and exhale through your mouth by taking advantage of any breaks, and in some ways that’s the key to good kissing. It isn’t an endurance event, after all, and if you finish before you’ve exhausted the moment then you can be sure they’ll soon come back for more.

A trend to treat oral sex as casually as kissing means teens are losing a sense of intimacy, writes Bettina Arndt.

Thirty years ago men dreamt of oral sex. Men would talk of this sexual activity as an almost unimaginable treat, high on the list of sexual desires they had little hope of ever fulfilling.

Now it is commonplace, with more than 80 per cent of Australian men and women having had the experience, according to the latest sex survey – Australian Study of Health and Relationships – published in April by La Trobe University.

Today oral sex is on the menu, not as some exotic dessert to be enjoyed long after the meat and potatoes but for a growing number of teenagers, a mere hors d’oeuvre.

The trend is clear, say sex survey researchers although the numbers are not yet clear.

One study of Sydney university students by Macquarie University researcher Sue Kippax found 13 per cent who’d never had intercourse, had had oral sex.

In the US this issue has been receiving much media attention in articles reporting high oral sex activity, among teens, even among virgins.

“It’s like a goodnight kiss to them,” commented a Manhattan psychologist. A recent discussion paper by the Alan Guttmacher Institute reported one study which found 24 per cent of virgins had had oral sex.

The paper suggest the consensus in America is the action is rarely reciprocal, with males far more likely to enjoy female favours than the other way around. The action often takes place at parties, in parks, or even on school grounds. Most adolescent specialists claim similar scenes are occurring in Australia.

Last year Neil Mitchell, the 3AW radio announcer, reported a scandal over girls offering sexual favours, including oral sex, during lunchtime at a Melbourne Catholic school.

More recently years 8 and 9 boys at the Sydney private school apparently hired a hotel room and invited girls over for a competition to see who could be serviced most quickly – a competition which, as one specialist quipped, would be over fairly quickly with boys of that age.

In fact, this is far from a laughing matter.

It doesn’t say much for the liberation of women, if early sexual experiences of young girls are dominated by activities designed only to keep the boys happy.

Back in the 1950s the action in the back of the FJ Holden was all about boys trying to get into girls’ pants.

A nice girl certainly wasn’t expected to reciprocate – her job was merely to stop the male going “too far”.

Despite the taboos constraining that generation, there was pleasure for women in those “heavy petting” sessions, far more fun than is likely from going down on boys at parties.

Oral sex is unlikely to ever be a two-way street for teenagers but not because males are uninterested in giving pleasure.

Kath Albury, who is researching pornography at Sydney University believes the promotion of cunnilingus on the internet has meant many young men now see this activity as highly desirable. The major stumbling block is female discomfort with their bodies.

The sex survey found that less than a quarter of 16-19 year olds acknowleded masturbation in the previous year.

Perth sexologist Dr Gabrielle Morrissey’s research finds few young women comfortable with their genitals. Confronted with photographs, the girls recoil.

This yuk factor means girls are far more likely to give than receive.

Oral sex is seen by women “as an intimate practice” which is “closely linked to women’s feelings about their own bodies”, concludes a research paper on oral sex by University of NSW sociologist Celia Roberts.

The notion of oral sex as a particularly sexual intimate activity is at the centre of a recent row in Britain.

In February Melanie Phillips, newspaper columnist for the Daily Mail, attacked a government-sponsored sex education program for including oral sex in “outercourse” activities being promoted as more desirable for adolescents than early intercourse.

The course planners claim their approach is reducing the number of pupils having sexual intercourse by between 13 and 15 per cent.

But Phillips argues that “holding hands or kissing are simply in a different league from intimate genital activity. That is because this involves areas of our bodies we guard as our most private and protected.

“Revealing them is therefore a very special act. Doing so too casually strips that act of its significance and can harm our own sense of ourselves.”

For others the concern about oral sex is more pragmatic – namely that if kids don’t see it as a big deal, they won’t be concerned about safe sex practices and STDs which can be orally transmitted. Fewer than half of the under-20s agree that oral sex is sex, according to the sex survey.

So there are genuine concerns about early oral sex activity but the answer is not to avoid mentioning the topic in the hope that kids won’t discover it.

More talk is needed rather than less and since oral sex is a big ask for those embarrassing parent-child chats, skilled sex education teachers are the key to avoiding the pitfalls of this shift in the sexual repertoire.

300_172c-86400http3a2f2fa323_yahoofs_com2fphugc2fbsrft0j_prqi2fphotos2fb3108b225dca3801cd27e454f29993f82fmr_86cc13676736621Sure, we’ve always gotten a tingly, head rush when we kiss someone we’re attracted to, but we never knew that swapping spit caused such a complicated hormonal rickashay.  

Researchers studied the cortisol and oxytocin levels in 15 heterosexual, kissing couples. Cortisol, known as the stress hormone, is released to help the body get back to normal after a rush of agonizing events. Oxytocin, on the other hand, is the hormone to blame for all those girly, gooey feelings of closeness after sex.

It’s often been said that women release oxytocin after doing the nasty and men don’t—the physiological reason behind feeling a little miffed and used when he doesn’t call.

Surprisingly, it seems this study proved just the opposite about men and women. While both sexes saw a drop in corisol  while kissing, it appeared that only men experienced a raise in oxytocin. Women—forever desiring more, more, more—needed “a romantic atmosphere of dimmed lights and mood music” to notice any cortisol upswing.

We love this. This inherent appreciation of candle-lit dinners and nice bed sheets—it’s in our blood we tell you! Guys, I hope you’re reading, this is some important, learned stuff.

Scientists aren’t sure why this happens. They think maybe because of pheromones (but we don’t really buy that those exist). Most likely it’s because, as scientists point out, kissing boosts the body’s immune system due to all the mixing and matching of different strains of saliva. 

So, just try to tell yourself that next time you make out with someone you regret—they may have helped you fight off a future cold or flu virus. 

Related post:-

How To Kiss Creatively